Stop Calling It Self-Care — Your Nervous System Calls It Survival
Artwork by Connie Resch
How I learned that my nervous system was keeping score of every time I abandoned myself
I spent decades believing that being a "good person" meant erasing myself for others.
As a child, my sister and I would frantically clean the house when our mother was away, desperate for a drop of praise or affection. I learned early that my worth was earned through service — picking up trash along scorching roadsides instead of swimming with friends, being told to "get over it" when my third-grade "best friend" convinced the entire class to shun me.
The message was clear: other people's comfort mattered more than mine.
In my 30s as a mother of twins, I perfected this art. I served my children first, always. Their needs took priority in every situation. How could it not be otherwise? But I was unconsciously recreating the same pattern — just in the opposite direction from my mother's model, swinging the pendulum from neglect to self-sacrifice.
What I discovered changed everything: You are the master healer of your life. And you can't heal from a place of depletion.
What Your Body Knows About Self-Sacrifice
Your nervous system is incredibly intelligent. It's constantly monitoring not just external threats, but how you treat yourself. Every time you override your needs, dismiss your feelings, or apologize for existing, your body gets the message: "I'm not safe. I'm not worthy. I don't matter." And it responds accordingly.
As a medical intuitive, I see this pattern constantly in people's energy fields. The ones who've spent years sacrificing themselves carry a particular signature — their life force looks dimmed, fragmented, like they're running on emergency power. Their bodies are literally starving for the nourishment that comes from self-love.
There's a quiet epidemic happening, especially among women: the belief that our needs don't matter, that self-care is selfish, that we must earn our place through endless giving. But this isn't the truth of who you are. This is programming. And you get to rewrite it.
The Biology of Unworthiness
You weren't born feeling unworthy. That's not how consciousness arrives on this planet.
You were conditioned into unworthiness before your rational mind could question it. By age seven, most of our core beliefs about value are already encoded in our nervous system, running like background software that shapes every experience.
The programming comes from everywhere: families that love conditionally, cultures that equate worth with productivity, religious distortions that tell us we're broken by nature, media that screams we're never enough.
Here's what most people don't realize: these beliefs don't just live in your mind — they live in your cells.
When you run programs like "I'm not enough," "I don't deserve rest," or "Other people's needs matter more than mine," you're sending biochemical signals throughout your body. Research in epigenetics shows us that our beliefs can literally turn genes on or off.
Chronic feelings of unworthiness keep your nervous system locked in survival mode, flooding your body with stress hormones, disrupting sleep, wreaking havoc on digestion, and suppressing immune function. Your body pays the price for every moment you reject yourself.
From an energy perspective, when you operate from unworthiness, your field becomes incoherent — fragmented patterns that ripple out into your relationships, your work, and everyone around you.
When I Stopped Disappearing
The turning point came when I realized I was teaching my children that love required self-abandonment. Did I want them to grow up believing they had to earn affection by disappearing?
The day I started creating boundaries, advocating for my needs, speaking up for myself, was the start of my new life. Instead of disappearing into the background, I showed up as my authentic self, unworried about others' reactions. I didn't need validation from anyone but me.
It reminds me of that scene in the movie, Office Space, when Peter stops trying to impress his boss and just... stops caring about everyone else's opinion. His reputation skyrockets. All it took was boundaries, pushing back, and the revolutionary act of saying no when he needed space.
True service flows from fullness, not emptiness
When you honor your own needs, fill your own cup first, treat yourself with the compassion you give others, you become a walking example of what's possible. You give others permission to value themselves too.
Your Body Knows the Difference
As someone who can see energy, I can tell you this: your body responds completely differently to self-love versus self-rejection.
When you truly honor yourself, your nervous system shifts from survival mode to thriving mode. Your parasympathetic system comes online. Your cells receive the signal that it's safe to heal, safe to create, safe to express your full vitality.
When you abandon yourself, your body goes into protective shutdown. Chronic inflammation increases. Energy becomes scattered. Your life force literally dims.
Your body is listening to every message you send about your worth:
When you say no to what drains you → "I matter. I'm worthy of protection." When you rest without guilt → "I'm safe to receive. I deserve nourishment."
When you speak kindly to yourself → "I'm valued. I'm loved." When you honor your body's signals → "My needs are important. I can trust myself."
The Truth Your Soul Remembers
You are not a fragment trying to prove yourself worthy of love. You are love itself, temporarily wearing human form.
This is what every spiritual tradition points toward, and what quantum science is beginning to validate: consciousness is the foundation of reality, and you are an expression of infinite consciousness exploring itself through your unique perspective.
You don't need to earn your worth any more than the sun needs to earn the right to shine. Worthiness is your birthright, not your achievement.
Practical Steps to Reclaim Your Sovereignty
Daily Nervous System Check-In
Three times a day, pause and notice: Is my nervous system calm or activated? If you feel tense, ask: "Am I abandoning myself right now?" This awareness alone begins to shift the pattern.
The 20-Minute Rule
Before you give to anyone else each day, spend 20 minutes on something that fills YOU up — breathwork, meditation, walking in nature, music that moves you. This isn't selfish; it's essential maintenance for being human.
Energy Boundary Practice
When you feel heavy or depleted after being around others, try this: Place your hand on your heart and say, "If this energy isn't mine, I return it with love." Breathe it out. You don't have to carry everyone else's emotions.
Rewrite the Guilt Response
When guilt arises for resting or saying no, pause and reframe: "This is me giving my best self to the world." Your rested, aligned, joyful self is your greatest contribution to everyone around you.
Talk to Your Body
Your body holds incredible wisdom. When making decisions, drop into your body and ask: "Does this choice create expansion or contraction?" Trust what you feel. Your cellular intelligence knows what serves your highest good.
Practice Receiving
Accept compliments without deflecting. Ask for help without shame. Receive opportunities without guilt. Your willingness to receive teaches others that they're worthy of receiving too.
The Science of Self-Worth
What I've learned through my work as a medical intuitive is that self-worth isn't just a nice idea — it's measurable in your energy field, visible in your cellular vitality, and reflected in your body's ability to heal.
People who truly value themselves have coherent energy patterns. Their nervous systems are regulated. Their bodies can access healing states because they're not constantly fighting the stress of self-rejection. This is about fundamentally changing your relationship with yourself — and watching your biology respond.
The Ripple Effect
You cannot heal the world while rejecting yourself. You cannot raise the frequency of consciousness while operating from the belief that you're less than divine.
When you reclaim your worth, you return to coherence — and coherence in one being strengthens coherence in the whole. Your self-love gives others permission to love themselves. Your boundaries teach others about healthy relationships. Your joy reminds others that happiness is their birthright too.
Remember This
You are the master healer of your own life, and the first relationship you need to heal is the one with yourself.
Your nervous system is waiting for you to come home to yourself. Your cells are listening for the signal that it's safe to thrive, safe to be joyful, safe to take up the space you were meant to fill.
Stop making yourself small. The world needs you at full volume, full brightness, full presence. You were never meant to disappear. You were meant to shine.
Your worth is not up for debate. It's not something you earn or lose based on your productivity, your behavior, or how much you sacrifice. Your worth is a fact of your existence.
Your self-love isn't selfish — it's your service to the awakening of consciousness itself.
Trust yourself. You've always been enough.